The Ferrum Project

As I’m sure sites like this one have made you aware, no one likes a douchebag wearing a bluetooth headset.  I found it by searching Google for “bluetooth douchebag”, meaning that the phrase has been implanted in the social consciousness.  Or at least mine, which is all that matters.  Somewhere along the line, a blue tooth headset has come to epitomize all that is wrong with corporate America, popular culture, whatever is going on in Darfur, and the murder of kittens.  Whatever.  If I’ve learned anything about getting the most out of life, its that if you’re going to aspire to go anywhere or get anything, you’re going to be accused of general douchebaggery on a regular basis.  Hell, sometimes I’m accused of it multiple times a day.   I’ve come to embrace this, as it keeps me from crying myself to sleep at night.  It also allows me to not give a rodents hindquarters when it comes to my electronic apparel, as the title of this so clearly indicates.

Roughly two years ago, I discovered the joys of the blue tooth headset. I don’t like talking on the phone.  It’s inefficient and irritating, thanks to our antiquated cell phone system here in the US.  As anyone who’s a regular Gizmodo or Engadget reader can attest, the phones in other parts of the world are akin to tiny robots that not only provide communication, but also allow thier owners to watch tv, pay the bills, spy on thier neighbors and pleasure themselves.  Seriously.  Whereas here, I can hardly talk to anyone using AT&T, meaning half of my hipster friends with i-phones, because Ma Bell hasn’t quite come to grips with the idea that sound quality on a call matters.  Our conversations usually consist of “what did you say?  say again? can you hear me now?”  ad nauseum.  I have attention span issues.  Having my hands tied up for 15 minutes at a stretch holding a phone while repeating the same “I didn’t catch that” line puts me in a decidedly homicidal mood.  Which is where blue tooth headsets come into play.  A headset also allows me to leave my phone plugged in due to it’s criminally short batter life, while I pace moodily trying to decipher whatever maledictions are being sent my way by the client/co-worker/associate/kidnapper on the other end of the line.  In the car, it leaves a hand free for shifting.  While I’m walking down the street, it allows me to maintain an air of superiority as I talk to people no one else can see, and look absolutely dashing doing so.

I recently purchased Aliph’s Jawbone 2.  I’ve had it roughly a week, and in that time, it has managed to earn the “Ferrum Sexy Butter Award for Oustanding Gadgetism”.  This, ladies and gentlemen, is the best blue tooth you’re going to get.  Have I tested all of them?  Hell no.  What do I look like, some sort of PC Magazine nerd that gets off fondling electronic equipment?  Purely rhetorical question – no answer to that is necessary.  But no, I’m basing this assertion on 3 parts reviews from Amazon and Newegg, 2 parts past experience with Plaintronics, Motorola and Aliph headsets, 1 part ancedotal evidence from my techie friends, and 5 parts possession of grapefruit sized cajones.   The “Sexy Butter” award is awarded with one caveat, which I’ll outline below.  So let’s get started.

The Good

• Size and Weight – The Jawbone 2 is small and light, two things which separate it from it’s predecessor, the Jawbone 1.  The 1st Jawbone provided great sound quality at the expense of having a blinking cheese grater strapped to the side of your head.  I was forced to switch it from ear to ear so as to even out the African-tribesman-like stretching of my ear lobes the weight of the Jawbone caused.  Yeah, annoying.  The Jawbone 2 can be worn all day with no discomfort, an advantage I have made much use of.  My attractiveness to androids has shot through the roof, and they now mob me in the streets.
• Sound Quality/Noise Cancellation – Prior to this headset, I have owned a Plaintronics 655,  a Motorola Piece-o-Shit 2000 and the undermentioned Aliph Jawbone.  All of them promised some sort of noise cancellation.  The 1st Jawbone actually delivered on that promise. The Jawbone 2 delivers on it even more so.  It’s Noise Ninja system (or whatever it’s called) allows your caller to hear your voice without hearing environmental background noise. I routinely take a leak when on the phone.  When you gotta go, you gotta go.  With the past headsets, I was always subjected to the “what are you doing?” question.  Some of the bolder ones would go as far as to say “are you really going to bathroom right now?  Seriously?”.  With the Jawbone 2, I get no complaints, even from the toilet flush, and the subsequent washing of hands that is oh so necessary.  Also, in the car, this headset is a life saver.  As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, I drive a slightly modified Subaru that sounds like a cross between a snow blower and a British soccer hooligan.  The Jawbone 2 has allowed me to attend phone meetings inside of my car without having to mute my side of the call.  I can even open the windows and let the wind in with nary a complaint.  I am also subjected to less “please repeat” requests, as I’ve only had one or two complaints of sounding muffled.  This is a far cry from previous headsets, and these complaints all came from AT&T customers to boot.
• Battery Life - While it’s only been a week, and I make a point to recharge my gadgets every day, I’ve yet to run out of juice in the regular course of a day, something I can’t say for my HTC Mogul (cursed be it’s name). After a full three hours of talk time and 12 hours of standby, the headset wasn’t breaking a sweat, which jibes with it’s rated 4 hours of talk time and 8 days of stand by time.

The Bad

There’s really only one downside to the Jawbone 2.  It would be a deal breaker if not for the ease with which it can be fixed.  In fact, one small modification turns the headset from being a ho-hum Jawbone follow up into a “Sexy Butter” contender.  The fix is so simple, it angers me that, most likely, patent issues or some other such nonsense stopped it from coming from Aliph this way in the first place.  I’m talking about the in ear fit.  The included rubber in-ear buds are seriously lacking in the comfort and sound quality departments.  Though they improve on the 1st Jawbone, they are still bad enough to make me ask whether the designers had ever actually seen a human ear.  Perhaps they were designed for cats.  I’ve yet to meet anything walking on two legs whose ear should comfortably recieve the ear buds included with the  Jawbone 2.  With that said, the magic of the internet drew me in close to its bossom with a solution.  Jabra mini gels.  Alone, they are small rubbery pieces, that don’t taste very well, and have little entertainment value.  Combine them with a Jabra 2, however, and you have the greatest communication device since some dude said “Watson, come here”.

Yeah, there are a few other low points.  There’s no mute button on the headset. You’ve gotta take it out of your ear if you don’t want your side conversation heard. The connect button is hypersensitive. Adjust it before you make your call, or you’ll be hanging up on someone. And um…with its sweet sweet ear gelled fit, there is the possibility that you will forget it’s in your ear.   I’ve taken to looking in the mirror before showering.  It doesn’t seem to like water.

So yeah, with those downsides mentioned, and forgotten, I can officially dub this the best headset ever.  Until next time folks.

-Ironman out